Day Ten: Things You Want To Say To An Ex

Dear You,

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for being such a poor boyfriend model in a relationship.  Because of you, I have spent my entire life with the love of my life, my soulmate.  I am so very sorry I wasted my precious time being with you, but I learned what doesn’t work in a relationship.  Thank you for this.  You didn’t know how to love, did you?  You didn’t know how to respect, did you?  You didn’t know anything about love, did you?  Hope you found it somewhere with the right person along the way.  Everyone deserves that.  What a gift and a life blessing for you if you have. My marriage is the most important thing in my life, what everything else is built upon, and I hope you have that too.

I am also sending out an apology to those others I hurt in this process.  I was such a hurting, mean, self-absorbed little bitch back in the day.  Forgive me, please.  I had so much to learn.  Hope you all found love along your journey.



Hey snowflake,

From the very first moment we spoke, I knew you were the one. When I saw you for the first time, my entire body began to shake from head to toe and I was alive again. I felt like I had known you forever.

We spent several amazing weekends together, always ending  full of promises to see each other soon and often. Never in my life had I felt such a connection and I know you felt the same way. 

In the beginning, our communication was constant and our connection fierce. For the first time in a long time, I felt heard and appreciated, like you really understood me. You called me your muse and invited me to come live a life with you that only poets dreamt about and I believed you. I took the bait. You see, it had been so long since anyone had looked at me, you know, really looked at me for who I was, free of labels. I was like a moth to a flame, and not necessarily in a good way. You lit a fire in me, snowflake. Our bodies fit together perfectly, of course. because they were made for each other.  Click, click, melt. Everything was in sync. I never felt more alive or more like myself when in your presence.

But, somewhere along the way I lost you. Conversation became difficult and forced. Promises were broken and plans canceled. Even though you assured me everything was fine. “Don’t be a goofball,” you told me “I’m not going anywhere.” But, you were already gone. 

Snowflake, I crave you like an addict craves a fix. I roll over at night, wanting to feel your body pressed into mine, big spoon to little spoon. Hold my tiny hands. The ice. The ties. I want to languish in bed with you and just be. You were my escape, my best friend and other half, my one true love. 



Thank you and I’m sorry.





On day two of this writing project, Elise posted this excellent movie quote:

“ADULTERY? Why the fuck does it matter? You are all eighteen! Where is this old-person morality coming from? There is no ‘cheating’ when you’re eighteen. You should all be touching each other all the time.“

If only someone had sat me down and told me this at 18. If only someone had slapped me hard across the face when I told them I wanted to go to college to be with my high school boyfriend, an act that remains one of my biggest regrets. I ruined college and almost all of my mental health with that one bad decision. He was jealous and unmotivated to do much of anything. We watched a lot of tv and spent what little money I made at my work-study job on cigarettes and other bad choices. It was impossible for me to make friends without making him upset. My self-regard was so low at that point, I just felt grateful to be wanted. There was a time, after it ended, that I would have relished telling him exactly how terrible it all was, how isolated I felt, but he was young and clueless, too. We were just on a little rudderless boat back then, dead in the water, no guidance at all, miserable and holding onto each other for dear life.

There are good memories, of course, polished with happiness and magic but they are mine now. I would never share them with him again.

There is one thing I would like to tell him. We once had a cruel screaming fight about how I eat spaghetti “wrong” and it is still the most ridiculous thing that’s ever made me cry. I still get angry every time I think about it.



I love you.




{featured image: growing self}

Join us all November long for our 30 Day Writing Challenge.  Send your submissions to


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *